How flames wars begin...

Saving the Welcome Message is Important 

When you subscribe to a mailing list you are entering a world in which there are written and unwritten rules. Here is a sideshow  from  Loogootee Elementary School West that covers many of these rules.

Unfortunately, people aren't always aware of the rules.  The two rules that are most  commonly broken deal with angry messages (flames) and posting to the list instead of the listserv. Angry messages *NEVER* help a list. Avoid sending flames and if you have a problem with a person on the list, send private email to resolve the  problem.

When you read the lesson on Mailing Lists and netiquette, you will learned that there are three places you can send messages.

1) You can send messages to every person on the list. (Sending to the list)
2) You can send messages to the computer. (Sending to the listserv or administrator)
3) You can send messages to individuals on the list. (Sending a private email reply)

Here is an interesting situation that started when a person sent messages to the list  instead of to the computer. Watch how the whole thing escalated. I only show a few of the messages, but you will notice that as one person strays from the rules  things can begin to get out of hand, and the conversation on the list gets directed *AWAY* from the purpose of the list.

I've changed all of the names, the name of the list, email addresses, web sites and  other identifying information in order to avoid embarrassing anyone. If any these actually exist it is strictly coincidence. Please don't flame or sue me. <grin>

It all started when one person who threw away the welcome message that  contained the information on subscribing and unsubscribing. Over a three day period, in an effort to unsubscribe, instead of sending a proper message to the listserv, they sent three messages to the list. On the third day, Harry Tyler (not the  real name) posted this message to the list as a response to their efforts.


In three separate messages, you complained:

>Please do not send me anymore emails!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
>I do not want any more email
>
>I do not want to belong to this listserve anymore.
------------------------------------------------------------

Geez, Joan, it's really pretty easy to get off the AARDVARK listserv.  Here's
how:

1. Please don't YELL at us.  We're pretty peaceful folks who respond well to
kindness.
2. No need to send THREE requests to be unsubscribed... ONE will do!
3. You DO, however, need to send that one request to the CORRECT ADDRESS!
4. The directions for unsubscribing were sent to you in a "welcome letter"
when you first subscribed.  Did you perhaps lose that letter?  (If so, don't
be angry at the LIST for that, OK?)

To sign off the AARDVARK listserv, send a message to:
          listserv@listserv.university.edu
Leave the subject line blank. In the body of the message, write:
          signoff aardvark
------------------------------------------------------------
If this doesn't work, you may be signed on with a different address. Send a
message to Jane Q. Administrator, one of the owners and she can look for it and
remove your subscription. Her e-mail address is:
jqadmin@mail.university.edu

Hope this helps.

Harry Tyler
Technology Integration Teacher
Anytown School District
www.anytown.com

"Everyone brings joy to a listserv...
 some when they join, others when they leave."


 Now that message wasn't a flame, but it was somewhat sarcastic. Sarcasm doesn't go over well unless the parties are friends and know each other's sense of humor. In any case, this  message would have been better had Harry sent it directly to Joan. As a result, a third party, Bob,  jumped in with this message...

I'm tired of reading all your smart alec remarks about signing off.  The poor person just wanted off.  Tell her how and don't waste my time making me read or trash  your responses.  If this is how you handle your administrative tasks, most likely you'll be looking for jobs soon.


 Do you see where this is headed? Here's Harry's reply to Bob

Bob wrote:

>I'm tired of reading all your smart alec remarks about signing off.

"Delete" key not working???  (Oops, sorry... got "smart-alecky" again.)

>The poor person just wanted off.

Right!  And that same "poor person" deleted her "welcome" letter (that began
with the words "Do NOT delete this message..."), then had the gall to complain
to hundreds of US for her misfortune!  Sheesh!

>Tell her how...

I *did*!  (You must have deleted my message without reading it.)

>don't waste my time making me read or trash your responses.

Hmmmm, exactly how do I "make" you read my messages?  (Aw hell, you're
probably not even reading THIS since you undoubtedly deleted this message
without reading it.)

>If this is how you handle your administrative tasks...

Yup!  When I goof up, I don't blame OTHERS!

>most likely you'll be looking for jobs soon.

Know of any openings for a responsible, polite person with a good sense of
humor???   :o)

Harry

"I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day.
 Tomorrow isn't looking good, either."


OK, the level of sarcasm went up a notch, along with Bob's blood pressure and the frustration level of the hundreds of other people who joined the list for discussion of topics  not being covered in this exchange. Now a fourth person, Bill,  jumped in and sent a message to Harry. Here's Harry's reply with Bill's message quoted.
Bill wrote:

>Harry,
>I hope you keep a form letter of the one that explains how to
>unsubscribe to the list. I've noticed that you have become the
>self-appointed person to explain to those, who "want out" and
>don't remember how and get frustrated and then angry at the
>List, just how simple it is to sign-off! Keep up the good work.
>Hey, someone has to do it!
------------------------------------------------------------

Bill...

Yup, as they say, "It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it!"  :o)

I *have* kept a copy of my "how to unsubscribe" comments.  In fact, I've been
posting it so often that I've created an automated "macro" to do it for me.
:o)

I have no real problem with a "newbie" who politely asks how to unsubscribe
(especially if they admit they inadvertently deleted their "welcome" letter).
Hey, we all goof up now and then.  (All right, all of you... no wise remarks
out there, OK?)

What irks me are the people (like Joan) who post nasty-sounding messages to
*hundreds* of us "demanding" that WE somehow "release them from our insidious
grip."  Yeah, right!  If they had acted responsibly in the first place (by not
deleting their "welcome" message that began with "Do NOT delete this important
message..." etc.), they wouldn't have to publically embarrass themselves!

'Nuf said... let's move on!

Harry Tyler
Technology Integration Teacher
Anytown School District
www.anytown.com

"Anytown, NY: We have the second-lowest tax rate in the county...
 and it shows!"


 Hmmm... Battle lines are forming and people are taking sides. This is *NOT* why the list was established. Here's another voice heard from.
 Ah, the Harry  flame wars begin again!!
> Bob wrote:
>
> >I'm tired of reading all your smart alec remarks about signing off.
>
Where did you get this quote, Harry.  It cracked me up!

> "I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day.
>  Tomorrow isn't looking good, either."
>

Sara Q. , Principal
St. John School
Nimbus, Ohio 

What followed was more messages along the same lines. Eventually, much to her credit, Joan apologized to the list, but that didn't stop the flames. Finally, Joan posted this message.
Look I said I was sorry, I have never been on a list serv before I am
only 19 years old. It really hurts my feelings that all of you people
are talking about how irresponsible and nasty I am. You don't even
know me. I was very frustrated and I wanted to get out of the list
serv. I had no idea even who I was sending my messages to. I feel
really bad about the whole thing and even worse about the things I am
reading about myself in your emails to each other.  Again I am sorry
Sincerely,
Joan

Well, good for you, Joan. Most people would have put their tail between their legs and run away from the list. That would be the easy thing to do. Admitting your mistakes and  accepting responsibility is a sign or maturity and good character.  It seems that the others in the list recognize that as well. You can see that as this flame war comes to a close as Harry responds to Joan.
Joan...

 Thank you for posting your polite request.  Hey, we all make mistakes.  I
 certainly can understand how easy it is to get "swamped" with too many e-mails
 to deal with.

 I teach graduate college classes myself, and one of my assignments is to have
 my students subscribe to a listserv and become involved in the discussions.  I
 *always* make it a point, however, to have them print out and save the
 "welcome" message they get.  That way, they can easily unsubscribe whenever
 they want.  (You might want to remind your instructor to put a little more
 emphasis on that in the beginning of class.)

 We're sorry you're leaving us.  Come back and re-subscribe when you find more
 time.

Harry Tyler
Technology Integration Teacher
Anytown School District
www.anytown.com

 P.S. If you're still experiencing trouble unsubscribing, drop me a line
 (privately) and I'd be happy to help you out.

This was followed by a few more similar messages to Joan. It should be noted that this exchange was very mild compared to many flame wars. It isn't unusual for a flame war to  completely destroy a mailing list. All of this could have been avoided it Joan had saved her welcome message.

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